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It's National Family Caregivers Month, and that's a good thing because it's a time to honor and appreciate those who show up for others. We're a society that understands labels, as they help us make sense of the world. However, we'll truly make progress when we understand how to help.
At Leeza's Care Connection, our personal philosophy of caring is that you can hold on to yourself, even while letting go of someone you love. Our mantra is "Call on Your Courage, Summon Your Strength." But how do you do that?
We often talk about the things that care partners can do to protect themselves, and one of the most powerful things is knowing what is ours and releasing expectations over things we can't control. Boundaries are the key to maintaining separateness and letting go of unrealistic expectations. It's unrealistic to expect, for example, that you can create a stress-free experience or that others will always help in the same way you do. What you can do is advocate for yourself. Here are some life lessons I've observed or learned along the way.
LESSON 1: Just because someone asks you to do something doesn't mean you should do it. Sounds simple, right? Next time, try saying what you could do or want to do, not just what you're asked to do.
LESSON 2: It's not your job to make everyone else comfortable all the time. Experts agree that solving problems that aren't yours is called "enabling." Try noticing the difference between what's your problem and what isn't.
LESSON 3: Guilt won't kill you. Guilt is a normal emotion as a caregiver. So, acknowledge guilt when you feel it, let it roll over you, and then move on.
LESSON 4: Set boundaries with yourself. Respond to that little voice in your head as you would to someone else who deserves a firm "no."
LESSON 5: Your being is more important than your doing. Doing more won't help you feel more worthy. YOU are already enough.
Sometimes it seems that those who care are perceived as both priceless and worthless at the same time. Yes, most recognition that care partners give hundreds of billions of dollars in unpaid care by showing up is admirable and noble. Yet, all too often, the voices of caregivers and their role in care plans are minimized, silenced, or dismissed. A good goal for all of us this month is to support, defend, and protect the needs and rights of those who care. These are the family first responders who deserve better.
In service together,
Leeza