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Even for those without a cognitive concern, the holidays can work your last nerve, right?
It’s easy to get overwhelmed and forget that this is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration. If you are celebrating with someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, things have changed and perhaps it’s time to change your expectation of the holiday too.
Set your own limits and share them with others. Be clear that things are different now and remember that you don’t have to live up to anyone else’s standards or expectations.
So, how should things be different? In many ways, things don’t have to change, but your approach does. Involve your loved one in the plans and preparations . If they see you getting ready for a festive occasion, they will likely adjust more easily, and if they can be part of the planning, even better. Give them a task they can accomplish, have them look through old holiday cards, or find all the red and green items in a box to use on a centerpiece, for example.
Here are a few tips that might be helpful:
Decorations: You don’t have to pull out all the decorations. Choose a few special decorations that your loved one might find familiar and comforting. Avoid using edible decorations like candies or fruit, as it can be difficult for someone with dementia to differentiate them from non-food items.
Atmosphere: Consider using calming music instead of loud, festive tunes. Avoid bright lights and flashing decorations, which can be overstimulating.
Socializing: Have just a few people over at a time to keep the situation from becoming too stimulating and frustrating. Plan visits during the time of day when your loved one is at their best. Facetime and other video calls are great options.
Quiet Space: Have a quiet place available where the person can go it if gets to be too much.
Preparing Guests: Prepare guests for changes they might see in your loved one. Here’s a good suggestion of how to do that from the Alzheimer’s Association: "You may notice that ___ has changed since you last saw him/her. Among the changes you may notice are ___. I’ve enclosed a picture so you know how ___ looks now. Because ___ sometimes has problems remembering and thinking clearly, his/her behavior is a little unpredictable."
Taking Breaks: If you get invited to holiday gatherings or events, it’s important that you give yourself permission to go without your loved one. Ask a friend or neighbor to look after your loved one and give yourself a break.
As always, use the two “F” words, flexibility and forgiveness for yourself and others, and just do you best!
Happy Holidays!