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I gave a little plaque with that saying on it to my mom when I was just out of college. It hung in her kitchen for the longest time as a silent reminder that the women who are the CEO’s of their families have to take their oxygen first and find a way to be happy; otherwise all of those who depend on us for nurturing, caregiving, guidance and direction will lose out on the best of who we are.
It’s counterintuitive for many women to think of themselves first. It’s what my friend Teri Hatcher writes about in her book, “Burnt Toast”. This tendency we have to “eat the burnt piece of toast” ourselves so the kids or others can have the perfect pieces. We tend to suppress our feelings when it means making someone else more comfortable.
Don’t get me wrong, I think it is perfectly lovely and necessary to allow others to shine, to win, to have something better. It’s one of the most fulfilling emotions in the world, but not if it comes at personal cost to us and not if it’s going to make us resentful.
At the Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation, we often say “take your oxygen first” to our caregivers. It’s the same thing as the flight attendant's directions when we are on a plane…and it’s true. If cabin pressure changes on a flight, YOU have to get your oxygen so that you can help your child, your friend, partner or seatmate.
If we aren’t functioning well; if we aren’t whole, nourished and sane, what good are we to anyone else? They say on a flight you have only a few seconds of usable cabin pressure before putting on your oxygen....we'd do well to think of our lives like that. Sometimes we are simply running out.
If we show others that we value ourselves and we model for our children the idea that we are worthy , then we give them permission to do the same.
Isn’t it a horrible thought to consider your kids always sacrificing themselves? Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential and it is a true expression of love to the one for whom you provide care.
-Leeza Gibbons
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